Struggling with feelings

It has been about a week and a half since the extended session with SIR. To be honest, it has been a bit of a struggle since it has returned. It was very comfortable being Sir's bondage slave during the extended session and is anxious to continue. It feels very much like what an addict must feel like. Now that it has had a taste of what it wants and needs, it REALLY needs and wants it. This has resulted in some depression issues of late and the only thing that keeps its hopes up is the conversations it has with Sir. Unfortunately, Sir has been sick or busy quite a bit lately so we have not talked too much. Also, it has been a struggle as it does not know when (or IF) we are having another session or taking the next steps. If we don't, it is SERIOUSLY worried about what to do now. This has awakened something in it that has always been there, but have kept it a bit hidden over the last few years. it is remembering how good it feels to be a slave....how being a slave IS what it was made to do.....that IS its place in the world. it knows it with ALL of its heart and mind. Unfortunately, Master/slave relationships rarely happen and it has been VERY fortunate to have lived thru TWO of these type relationships in the past though not at the extreme level Sir and it has been discussing. This ABSOLUTELY IS the RIGHT path for it....WITHOUT A DOUBT. My fear now is that Sir may not want to take this path with me and it has NO IDEA where to find anyone who wants this at the level we are discussing besides Him. HOPEFULLY He will decide to take me on this path....but obviously that is HIS decision and at this point it can do nothing but wait...which is REALLY REALLY hard when it is so sure of what it needs/wants. it is going away this weekend on a camping trip so maybe it can focus its thoughts to try to put all of this out of its mind so it can function each day.....without the constant drive to make this happen...since it is out of its hands right now. it has told itself to NOT bug Sir as it does not want to scare Him away....and everyone has to move at their own pace....and a HUGE part of being a slave is WAITING...which is what it is doing now...waiting (and hoping) that Sir decides to move forward....but it is also realistic and knows that the chance of Sir moving forward is probably pretty slim....after all there is probably only a handful of people like this in the entire world. At this point, it feels like it would go anywhere or do anything to make this happen to fulfill its life.

To whoever reads this (if anyone does) it apologizes that it is so down but these are its honest feelings that it struggles with almost every day of its life. its very hard when You know what You want and need but HAVE to depend on others to make that happen...particular when there are only LITERALLY one in a million people who would EVER really want this......beyond fantasy.

At this point, it would be more than willing to completely give up its current life (friends, family, location, etc) for anyone who could make this happen together with it.